IF YOU put forth sincere effort and show that
you want your marriage to succeed, you can enjoy a strong and happy marriage.
Yes, every marriage partners have the
potential for enjoying happy times as
well as for supporting each other through difficult times.
It is not unusual, however, for married couples to experience some tribulation or hard time in their marriage relationship. Why? Simply dealing with everyday troubles can strain marital ties. Hurt feelings, misunderstandings, and miscommunications caused by the imperfect tongue can be a challenge in the best of marriages. Many couples also have difficulty in coping with demanding employment while caring for children. Stress and exhaustion make it difficult for some couples to take the time they need in order to strengthen their marriage. Their love and respect for each other may be eroded by financial difficulties, health problems, or other hardships. Furthermore, the foundation of what seemed to be a strong marriage can be undermined by such things as sexual immorality, brazen conduct, hostility, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, and dissensions.
To compound matters, in these days we are living and working with people whose moral traits are characterized by selfish attitudes that are toxic to a happy marriage.
A husband in Japan admits: “I was under a lot of stress financially. And because I didn’t really communicate with my wife, she also came under a lot of pressure. In addition, she recently experienced serious health problems. At times, this stress caused us to clash.” Some challenges in a marriage are inevitable, but they are not insurmountable.
Let us discuss four building blocks for a strong and lasting marriage. Then we will consider how these building blocks can be cemented by love.
How a husband exercises his headship can do much to build a strong and happy marriage. A good and respected husband is never tyrannical or harsh but is always loving, kind, reasonable, mild-tempered, and lowly in heart.
In public and in private, a loving husband shows by his respectful words and compassionate actions that his wife is precious to them. Such loving headship wins a wife’s love and respect and brings blessing on the marriage.
BLOCK 2: AS
WIVE, SHOW HUMBLE SUBMISSION
Unselfish, principled love helps all to humble
ourselves under important relationships such as marriage. One important way
that a submissive wife shows respect in her marriage is, being cooperative and
supportive within the family circle. Realistically, not all of a husband’s
decisions will be to his wife’s liking. Yet, if his decisions are not illegal
and (sometimes do not conflict her religious belief) a submissive wife is
willing to yield.
A wife has an honorable place as her husband’s partner. She provides valuable input concerning family decisions by respectfully expressing her thoughts and feelings yet remaining submissive. A wise husband will listen carefully to his wife’s expressions. Loving submission, in turn, promotes joy, peace, and harmony within the family, and gives husbands and wives the satisfaction that comes from knowing that they are playing their parts and contributing their quota to the success of their strong and happy marriage.
BLOCK 3: KEEP FORGIVING ONE ANOTHER FREELY
One
of the crucial building blocks of an enduring marriage is forgiveness. The
marital union is strengthened when husbands and wives continue putting up with
one another and forgiving one another freely. On the other hand, the marriage relationship
is undermined when a couple keep a mental record of old grudges and often use
them as ammunition for fresh attacks. Just as cracks can weaken a building,
grievances and resentment can develop in our heart, making it increasingly
difficult to be forgiving. By contrast, strong marriage bonds are forged when
husband and wife treat each other in a forgiving way.
True
love does not keep account of wrongs. In fact, love they say, covers a
multitude of sins. In other words, love does not put a limit on the number of
sins that we can forgive.
If
a couple do not want to be forgiving, resentment and mistrust grow, and that is
poison to a marriage. Being forgiving strengthens the bonds of marriage and
draws you closer together. To counteract a tendency to be unforgiving, work on
having a thankful and appreciative disposition. Make a practice of giving your
spouse sincere commendation. Experience the peace of mind and unity that come
to those who have a forgiving disposition.
BLOCK 4: APPLY
THE GOLDEN RULE
No
doubt you like to be treated with dignity and respect. You appreciate it when
your thoughts are acknowledged and your feelings are taken into account. But
have you ever heard someone say, “I will give him a taste of his own medicine”?
While such a reaction might at times be understandable, an ancient proverb
tells us: “Do not say: ‘I will do to him just as he has done to me.’” In
fact, another advice recommended a more positive way of handling difficult
situations. This rule of conduct is so well-known that it is often called the
Golden Rule: “Just as you want men to do to you, do the same way to them. This meant
that we should treat people (including our spouse) the way we would like
to be treated and not repay unkindness with unkindness. In marriage, it means that we
need to put into the relationship what we hope to get out of it.
Married
couple strengthen their relationship when they are sensitive to their mate’s
feelings. “We have tried to put the Golden Rule into practice,” says a husband
in South Africa. “True, there are times when we’re upset, but we have worked
hard to treat each other the way we would like to be treated—with respect and
dignity.”
Do
not expose your mate’s weaknesses or harp on his idiosyncrasies—not even
jokingly. Remember that marriage is not a competition to find out who is
stronger, who can shout louder, or who can think of the most cutting remark.
True, we all have flaws, and sometimes we upset others. But there is never a
justifiable reason for either a husband or a wife to use sarcastic and
demeaning speech, or worse, to shove or hit each other.
Even
though in some cultures men who bully or hit their wives are viewed as manly, a
husband slow to anger is better than a mighty man, and the one
controlling his temper than one conquering a city.” It takes great moral
strength to control one’s spirit. A man who verbally or physically abuses his
wife is anything but manly, and he will lose his relationship at the end.
CLOTHE YOURSELVES WITH LOVE
Love is the most important quality in a marriage. Clothe yourselves with the tender affections of compassion, kindness, humility, mildness, and patience. But besides all these things, clothe yourselves with love, for it is a perfect bond of union. Self-sacrificing love is the mortar that binds the building blocks of a sturdy marital union. It makes the marriage unbreakable in the face of irritating personality flaws, daunting health challenges, distressing financial crises, and challenging in-law issues.
True, it takes loving devotion, loyal commitment, and earnest effort to make a marriage succeed. Rather than abandoning the marriage when difficulties arise, marriage partners should be determined to make their relationship thrive—not just survive.
Building a strong and happy marriage is particularly challenging in the critical time in which we live. But with earnest effort, it is possible.
